Its Ok that You’re Not Ok

A book review
By Elizabeth Sukys-Rice

“When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone.” – John Irving

Life is unpredictable

As a therapist I have had the honor to work with and learn from individuals who have suffered great losses. My life has also presented significant moments of loss. Recently one of my clients recommend the book “Its ok that you’re not ok” by Megan Devine. I found the book to accurately express the words, feelings and thoughts my clients had also shared with me in our sessions. The book provides an honest expression of what it is like to suffer loss and the reactionary measures individuals go to in order to avoid their own fear of mortality or discomfort with death. Life is full of disappointment and pain, yet it is also full of surprise and joy, yet we do not want to embrace the experience of pain to find the human experience that shapes our soul. Life is unpredictable and we generally don’t know how to respond to the needs within ourselves and the people in our circle of influence. This book can shed some like on the subject on how to support the self and other in life’s unpredictability.

In the book you will learn

– Why well-meaning advice, therapy, and spiritual wisdom so often end up making it harder for people in grief
– How challenging the myths of grief–doing away with stages, timetables, and unrealistic ideals about how grief should unfold–allows us to accept grief as a mystery to be honored instead of a problem to solve
– Practical guidance for managing stress, improving sleep, and decreasing anxiety without trying to “fix” your pain
How to help the people you love–with essays to teach us the best skills, checklists, and suggestions for supporting and comforting others through the grieving process

Many people who have suffered a loss feel judged, dismissed, and misunderstood by a culture that wants to “solve” grief. Megan writes, “Grief no more needs a solution than love needs a solution.” Through stories, research, life tips, and creative and mindfulness-based practices, she offers a unique guide through an experience we all must face–in our personal lives, in the lives of those we love, and in the wider world.

It’s OK That You’re Not OK is a book for grieving people, those who love them, and all those seeking to love themselves–and each other–better.

About the Author

Megan Devine is a writer, speaker, and advocate for emotional change on a cultural level. She holds a master’s in counseling psychology. Since the tragic loss of her partner in 2009, Megan has emerged as a bold new voice in the world of grief support. Her contributions via her site Refuge in Grief have helped create sanctuary for those in pain and encouragement for those who want to help. For more, visit

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